The shamming

Earlier this week I was outside playing at a neighbor's house. She was telling me how her younger son hates the car and will scream the entire time in the car seat. I empathized, because our middle son D, did the exact same thing, it was horrible and it was awful. She went on to say how she had a doctor's appointment that he had to come with her to because of lack of child care and she had to stop for gas along the way. While at the gas station filling up her mini van(those things have monster size gas tanks) her son screamed. Apparently another woman a few cars away made a comment about her poor parenting and how she should pick up the baby and console him.

I scratch my head and make a odd face, since when did it be alright to shame other mothers for their parenting choices?

I totally get the whole mommy war's thing and feel it is 100% ridiculous! Plus that Similac commercial made it ever worse, because it amplified all of the stereo types their can be. But when did we start telling each other or whispering behind people's backs at the gas station that they are shitty parents?

This type of bashing does not help anyone, and my friend still feels like shit after being confronted. There are lots of things other mothers do that I do not agree with, but I feel there are tactile ways of approaching it.

-Breastfeeding vs formula
Breastfeeding is the most natural way to feed a baby, however some mothers do not choose to breastfeed or end the relationship at a very early age. As a leader with La Leche League, my job is support you through the journey, reassure you that the decision you are making are best for your family. Sometimes, the includes weaning newborns or explaining to a new mom how to transition from breast to bottle. Mothers need support, we need to applaud the decisions each one makes and always remember, any amount is better than nothing in the world of breastfeeding.

-Night time parenting
Parenting the child who does not sleep is tough, so tough! Sometimes people give some crazy advice on how to get children to sleep. I usually nod, say thank you and take in the advice they gave and decide if it will work for our family or not. Sometimes when people ask if my kids are sleeping through the night, I say yep and just straight walk away. I know my limits, I don't want to be rude, so for me just not engaging in the conversation is better then regretting what I said later on.

-Toddler food wars
Personally in our house, this is a battle I choose not to engage in. When people ask me about what my children eat and how I encourage them to eat better, I just laugh! Breakfast is food of their choice, within reason, healthy choices are always available like fruit and yogurt. Today the boys wanted sausage and strawberries, I approve. A few hours after they asked for a snack, I suggested grapes, they requested a pop-tart. I agree and explained for lunch we needed to choose something better to fuel our bodies, like a sandwich or a healthy alternative. Meals for us always have 3 choices, something I know you will eat - something they choose, something they might eat and something I am not to sure if they will even touch. We model well balanced meals and talk a lot about how food fuels our bodies to run, jump and play. Feeding toddlers can be a nightmare at times, but we try to strive for a healthy balance and a realize at times we will eat pop-tarts and life will go on.

-Gentle parenting
This does not come easy for anyone, unless you are the most patient person ever. It takes work and lots of critical thinking. My husband and I are constantly talking about what way we think works better to mitigate the fighting between the boys. When other parents do not parent in the way I believe is best, I try to lead by example. At times, the boys become scared by other parents yelling and it is best for us just to remove our selves from the situation.



Remember no one knows your child and family like you, at the end of the day, you are the parent and need to be confident in your decisions. Keep your head up and smile at those other mom's instead of whispering cruel things, because we are all mothers